No. 349

Larry Watson screamed.

The spider was tiny, but it had mere moments to live after wandering into Larry’s line of sight.

Larry lifted a magazine to strike the killing blow.

“Wait,” said the spider. “Don’t do it!”

Larry took two surprised steps backward, and considered screaming again. “It talked!” he exclaimed, instead.

“Of course I said something,” said the spider. “You were going to squash me.” It turned its many pairs of beady eyes on Larry. “For no reason whatsoever, I might add.”

“I. Uh,” stuttered Larry.

“That’s right,” said the spider, waving a fore-leg in the air. “Maybe next time you’ll consider putting on your big-boy pants and not murdering everything that walks past you.”

Larry dropped the magazine. Cautiously, he crept closer to the arachnid. He extended a finger to probe the curious specimen.

“No touching,” said the spider. “I’ll bite you good.

“I should bite you anyway,” it grumbled.

“Is this actually happening?” Larry asked.

“I’ll tell you what,” offered the spider. “You let me go, and I won’t tell anyone that you made that noise when you saw me, deal?”

Larry nodded dumbly.

“Good,” said the spider. “And now that we have this arrangement, I’ll be off. Good day, sir.”

It scurried into a hole in the wall and disappeared.

Larry spent the rest of the evening in the exact center of the room, shaking, and jumping at any sign of motion. Two days later, he moved.