The Prank

Part 1

No. 045 April 1, 2012

"A good prank leaves them talking about it for years to come. Simplicity is key. If they have to spend too long telling the story of the set-up, you've already blown it. Efficiency of storytelling," Colin Charter told the semi-circle of freshmen seated in front of him. As a sixth-year senior still living in student housing, he had wisdom to pass on to the next generation.

"What if we make a phone call telling someone to meet up someplace, then mess with their room?" asked a pimple-faced girl.

"Nope. See, you're already adding steps," Charter told her. "Why the phone call in the first place? It would give the target a clue to your identity, and it complicates the story. 'Oh, I got this weird phone call and blah blah blah.' Boring! How about just getting to their room while they're out? If you can't manage that then you have no business pranking to begin with. And, really, is messing with their room the best you've got? Don't answer that. Freshmen. Ugh," he grunted with contempt.

"What would you suggest?" questioned a squeaky-voiced boy. "What's the best prank ever?"

"The best pranks can't be taught. They take weeks, months, sometimes years of preparation. And then they bloom spectacularly, just the once, and fade into a blaze of memory and whispered recollections. I can only show you the path, I can't walk it for you," Charter concluded.

"Are you working on something now?" came the voice from the back. Chrissy Peachland, Charter's nemesis.

"In due time, Chrissy. In due time."                                 

Part 2

No. 073 May 2, 2012

Acting strangely out of character, Colin Charter took no more questions. He ended the meeting abruptly and shooed his freshman disciples out of the lounge.

Only Chrissy remained. “So what are you working on?” she asked him again.

“It involves a pig, a goat, six pairs of underpants, and your mom,” he told her sarcastically.

“Really?” she wondered. “Don’t you want to tell me? We could trade ideas. Maybe you’d like it,” she purred.

Chrissy reached under her shirt provocatively. Her hand came out with a folded piece of paper. “Are you sure you don’t want to see what I’m up to?” she said, waving it temptingly.

“I already know what you’re up to,” answered Colin, somewhat sadly. “I bribed my way into your hall last week. You should really keep better tabs on your sophomores. Your plan won’t work. There’s a flaw in phase three.”

He noticed her turn red and saw a flash of surprise before it went away, leaving her angry-white and glaring at him.

“Well, if that’s how you’re going to be,” she huffed. She turned on her heels and stalked quickly down the corridor.

Charter shook his head. “I can’t help it if I’m right,” he called after her. He was almost a hundred percent sure she didn’t hear.

He returned to his room, too.

He’d been lying, of course, about the pig and her mom, but the truth was somewhat more disturbing.

Colin Charter, the Prank King, would be graduating in two months.

And he didn’t have a single inkling about how to go out with a bang.

Part 3

No. 103 May 30, 2012

For the past month, Colin Charter had sequestered himself in his tiny dorm room.  He had very little time left to plan the ultimate prank.

His situation had become desperate enough that he’d turned to the internet for inspiration.

 He moved his mouse over the blinking link that promised to provide the directions for a prank so magnificent that it claimed to be worth $49.99 just to see the plans.

He hovered for a moment, and then gave in. As he hit the button that said “order”, Colin wondered if he was the one getting pranked.

The page loaded.  There were no blueprints. No descriptions. Instead, there was only a phone number.

Colin had no choice now but to call it. He typed it dutifully into his phone and pressed “send”. He almost dropped the handset when he saw the display.

“Calling: Chrissy Peachland”.

The line was picked up.

“Hello Colin. I knew you’d call eventually,” said Chrissy with a just a hint of sex and victory in her voice. “I’ve got fifty bucks that says you need a little help.”

Colin, having been bettered, hung his head and admitted. “I need help.”

“Come around my room after eleven tonight. We’ll put something together that will blow everyone’s mind.”

Part 4

No. 300, February 3, 2013

It was the day before the last day of school.

Colin and Chrissy sat together on the steps of Charles Hall, watching the crowd watch the results of their prank. Colin produced a paper bag with a bottle inside, and two plastic mugs that he’d borrowed from the cafeteria. He set the cups on the ground, and poured cheap champagne into both.

He handed one to Chrissy, then raised his to salute her. “You were right. That was the best fifty dollars I ever spent,” he told her.

She snuggled up to him with a grin. “I told you so, Mr. Prank King.” She nodded at the frenzied scene in front of them. “How’s this for going out on top?”

Colin sipped his drink. “I don’t know if I’m finished,” he said. “I think with all the prep, I might have failed French.”

They were both quiet for a moment.

Another class ran past to see aftermath.

“And besides,” said Colin. “Now somebody’s going to have to go one better next year.”

Chrissy laughed. “You mean, ‘two somebodys’,” she clarified, as she put her arm around him.

Colin nodded. “Best plan, ever.”